what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
