I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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