Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
