My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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