This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
