i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
