Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
