I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
