I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Two words: blizzard sex
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
