it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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