he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
