dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
