i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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