stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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