I'm really into asian looking animals
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
