i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
