Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
