The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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