if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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