Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.