well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
