last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
