Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Text me some of your sweat
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
