1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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