Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
