I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
