Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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