I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just found puke in my bra..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize