oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
