So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
