Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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