U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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