Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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