College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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