Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
