At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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