He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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