Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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