I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
