so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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