Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
