I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
