i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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