the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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