I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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