I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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