I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i drank out of a bidet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
