I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
