Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
