It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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