I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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