you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
