yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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