Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
