I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
